So much has already been written about this colossus of film, from the official autobiography "Grip: My Meat" (FacePulp Press, 1987) to more recent, and less glowing reports of his troubles with drink, sex addiction, regret for implication in his mothers death, coupled with ongoing guilt for exploding his favourite pig. It's fair to say that Grip has been splashed across the faces of most of Hollywood.

But Grip is a man built to fight, after an intense period of retraining at Daddy's Muscle School he's back on the scene, and gunning for the greatest role of his career - the American Presidency, and once again turning heads and twisting spines with his policies of juicy explosions, leopards-for-all and compulsory monster-trucks.

"Mutti! No!" (Keep Safe, 1989)

Grip was raised by his mother, a terrifying woman with a voice like a rotating steel spike and a face to match. Known only to her adoring son as Mutti she raised him using her gifts for shouting, attacking and her corrosive lactic milk jets.

Life was hard for young Grip Wrench, who was put to work powering the electricity generator, fetching cakes from nearby Belgium, and helping train his mothers rottweilers in his special "meat pyjamas". But through all these physical and mental trials his moustache grew bristlier, his mullet grew longer and whilst his mind remained weak, his body grew strong.

The harsh treatment that Mutti meted out on young Grip continued right up until her untimely death in a bizarre harpooning accident in a Viennese cake shop in 1978. Some news reports at the time suggested that Grip himself may have been responsible, especially as he was training locally for a role in "Guten Tag Sailor Boy: CooEee" but the story died out when 2 local journalists fell underneath a 7 ton anchor and a third choked to death on a rubber dingy.

Grip continues to be haunted by memories of his mother, often hearing the ringing of her bellowing screams, which he is powerless to stop. But he has found comfort in drowning them out in the screams of others around him, in movies and in war.

Moving to America in the 1960s in search of fame and free love, he instead found free-love came with an expensive price tag and enlisted for active-service and a one-way trip to Vietnam. But amongst the madness he found new friends, Mr. Bazooka and Mr. Chainsaw, that understood him in a way that no others had before. Fighting with these weapons alongside his mentor Shiny ManCannon was to be an experience that he'd never forget. In fact it was an event he'd never stop remembering.

The experiences had deeply touched him, he'd never felt as alive as when he was killing. And despite staying behind for ten years after the war ended he started to indulge himself he started to run low on ammo. it was clear he needed to move on and find a new way to channel his passions. Returning to America he found that outlet.

It was Hollywood.

Grips amateur roles in his military buddie movies caught the eye of wrestler, turned movie mogul, Chad Montreux. Grip was soon offered roles in all of Hollywoods most prestigious B-movies. Although his realistic performances often took their toll on directors and fellow actors, with Grip blurring the line between the movie and his military past, he brought a visceral realism to his performances that remains unmatched to this day. In hits such as Meatwar (1983) The Worriers(1984) and Miami Nightz(1984) he showed a determination to make heads burst in a really cool way.

As technology moved on, Grip found himself starring in more advanced films, utilising the latest digital techniques. The sci-fi epic of Fleshy Goreman, was followed by with entirely computer-generated PRON.

But it was during this period that some of his darkest thoughts and desires began to reveal themselves, despite's Grips best attempts to paper over the cracks. Visions of his dead mother Mutti haunted his performance in Conad acuminating in him skewering the entire crew.

And as his career started to decline, so did his health, a rogue illness struck him down during the filming of FleshGlans and he spent many weeks in hospital until revolutionary miniaturisation technology was able to save him. But medical bills also took away what fortune he had left, his favourite attack chopper, The Terrorhawk, along with his Miami mansion, were reposed - leaving Grip to attempt to make ends meet by hosting a local radio phone in show, and an ill-judged appearance on The Mister Fighty Show, and a aborted attempt at a public safety film, which left most of the cast maimed or dead.

But since this point he has been bouncing back. Turning his back on the movies, at least for now, Grip has found new beginnings in the explosive world of politics.

Boosted by a massive cash injection from wealthy weapon manufacturer Kaplowie Kaput Inc designers of Grips favourite Eruptor weapon, he has been able to unleash a massive market campaign, carpet-bombing the media with flyers, infomercials and carpet bombs.

Is the world ready for what this man can offer? His promise of change, bodycounts and a cavalier attitude to nuclear weapons may be too much for some. But all critics are likely to fall silent soon, gasping in amazement at the power of the man, and their missing windpipes.

Let us, in these dangerous times, celebrate a man. A man of man. A man of movies, a man of meat. Grip Wrench. Your next president.